VHA Social Work

Intimate Partner Violence Assistance Program (IPVAP) - VETERANS & PARTNERS - What Can I Do?

Help Someone Who Is Experiencing Violence

If you know someone who is experiencing intimate partner violence there are ways you can help. Individuals who are experiencing violence often feel alone and ashamed and feel there is no one they can turn to.

Here are ways you can help:

• Listen without judging.
• Let them know they can call you when they need help or they do not feel safe.
• Be supportive.
• Let them know you are concerned for their safety.
• Help the person develop a safety plan.
• Ask before tagging or checking in on someone on social media. Keep in mind that doing so could alert a partner of their location and affect their safety.
• Offer local resources and offer to go with them to seek assistance.
• Do not try to force them to leave. As difficult as it is, staying or leaving is their choice and it is most helpful to support them and try to enhance their safety whatever their choice may be.
• If children are present or affected (witness) the IPV or you suspect that the children are also victims of abuse, this should be reported to your local Department of Family Services agency or the police.

When you see violence occurring, consider the 3 D’s (Distract, delegate and direct)

Only use these strategies if safe to do so. If the situation is already escalating, call 911 instead.

• Distract – Draw the person’s attention to something else
• Delegate – Grab someone who can help
• Direct - Yell for the person to stop using violence

Help Someone Who Is Using Violence

• Listen without judging.
• Support the person and encourage them to get help.
• Express concern for both parties.
• Be a role model.
• Share ways in which you handle conflict in a non-violent way.
• Encourage the person to get help by talking to a therapist, pastor, or sponsor.
• Educate the person on help available at the VA and community.
• Share the National Domestic Violence Hotline* 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
• Share the Veteran’s Crisis Line with them : 1-800-273-8255 and press 1 or TTY 1-800-799-4889.

Additional Resources:

• Knowing When To Respond - https://nomore.org/learn/while-its-occurring/*
• Men Stopping Violence - http://menstoppingviolence.org/take-action/*
• How Would You Help? Quiz- http://www.loveisrespect.org/how-would-you-help-quiz/*
• Protect those experiencing abuse’s privacy on social media - http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/check-ins/*

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